Memories. As the smoke clears, the fireworks dwindle and the noise ceases, we're all left with memories of the year that has gone by. And the year 2010 holds so much memories.
To my (then) puerile perspective, the year 2010 did not start out all right. Expectations weren't met, and things did not happen that way I planned. As my human nature prevailed, I devolved into an insecure, whining and comparing person. But God is good. And I say that as I had experienced his goodness through and through. God is good in that he is redemptive, faithful, and mighty to save in all my situations.
I have told many people that 2010 to me had been a year of transitions. God had shown me that if I were to be the man that He wants me to be, then I would have to let Him put me through situations where I would see His power work in and through me. 2010 was the year where I had to change a lot of mindsets, preconceptions, priorities, attitudes, and values. As such, I learned lessons about the following:
Priorities. I received my goiter tests in November and they weren't good. Needless to say, I was dismayed and I had to make amends with my diet and sleeping pattern. Then again, I thought it funny how health problems rearrange your priorities. When you're a single-professional in a city of a million busy people, your life is somehow disarrayed into a clutter of schedules, meetings, deadlines, and whatnot. Priorities show what we truly value. And God revealed how skewed my priorities were. I learned to look into my heart and assess what is truly valuable and make that my priority. It's not really a balanced life that we need but a balanced heart. Gandhi once said, "actions express priorities."
Courage. You see me working hard to make a living or to hone my craft (and there's nothing wrong with those, by the way), and you think "wow, this person must be really passionate." But the truth is, much of what I did was out of fear. Fear that I might loose my self worth, that I might miss an opportunity or that I might not have enough to be accepted. It's that fear that will either cripple you or make you overdo things. And it is unhealthy because it robs you of your faith and trust in God. I never really lived out Proverbs 3:5 until I realized this things, until I went jobless in January, until I had to stay for a while in Pangasinan to sort my life out in March. And it revealed a great deal about the (ugly) truth in my heart. But Psalms 46:10 exhorts us to be still and let God be God. Yes it is scary, the kind of world we live in is not for the fainthearted, but it is so, that all the more we will learn to draw courage from Him. Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can ever do is be still and know that God is in control, in our jobs, relationships, our families, everything.
Work. As an employee, I used to kid that "misery loves company, and our company loves misery."I never realized how much bricks of false mindset did I allow to build around my mind. As a result, I did not really experience the growth that I wanted. Yes, i tried to be faithful in what I do, but I still ended up comparing what I have with other people_-my educational background, experiences, salary. But what I have did not really matter as much as how I maximize it. Sometimes, we're so smug and self-satisfied that we will just settle for something mediocre and expect a brilliant result. I know I did. And I learned that what I do isn't really the issue but the spirit with which I do it. Colossians 3:23 says whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.
People. There was something about mingling with groups that brought the worst in me. While the manifestation may not be obvious, I did struggle with insecurity and inferiority. It was God's grace that enabled me to learn that inferiority does not really exist as much as superiority does (thanks Efren for pointing it out). It's pride masking in superiority. I did not want to blend in with people I deem high-end, rather I would just be with the people of my level. In many many ways, it's superiority. People are still people and it is not fair that we compare our selves with them. God values people, and the grace that flows in and sustains them is the same thing that flows in and sustains me.
Blessings. In 2010, I received a new computer, published articles in papers and magazines, met new artists (and was given free CD), travelled to places, read a lot of books, got accepted to gradschool. I did enjoy being blessed, and I learned to enjoy more my relationship with the source of all these blessings. My Dad came home in October this year, and I was excited to be with him more than the gifts he brought us. In the same way, I enjoyed being more intimate with God than receiving his blessings.
Character. 2010 was the year that I learned to be a little confrontational, patient, hopeful and valiant. It seemed that most significant situations I went through taught me to be such. It was not me to be all that, and I remember praying in January that God will prune me and mold me into the man that he wants me to be. I learned that it was not easy, but it was great to see God's grace and glory work through my situations. It was humbling and awe-inspiring and the character pruning was worth it. God was more interested in my character than what He wants me to do, and I valued every moment of it-through the pain, fear and doubts. I was (and still am being) pruned and seasoned.
Choice. While I am aware of the existence of God's will, we all have been given the ability to choose. God is sovereign and we can trust in his sovereignty more than we can trust in our ability to mess things up. Choice, it was such a precious gift that we often misuse, and God has entrusted us with such. We can choose to wallow in self pity and what is wrong with us, or we can choose to look up to a great God who is for us and not against us. I learned to choose to realign my heart and my will unto His, after all it is about Him.
It was a tough year, nonetheless I'm ending it with gratitude in my heart. I'm thankful for the people that God used to make every stressful moment bearable, and every good times worth looking back on. I'm thankful for all that character rehabilitation (love that term, thanks verna), and all that trials that exposed the truths about my heart, truths that were dealt with and given up to God. I'm thankful for God's faithfulness in my life and the lives of the people I love. I'm thankful for the great times, but I'm not taking the worst for granted. May we all be in faith that 2011 will be a year of harvest.
Isaiah 30:23
He will also send you rain for the seed you sow in the ground, and the food that comes from the land will be rich and plentiful. In that day your cattle will graze in broad meadows.
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