| Across the seas |
| (philstar.com) Updated June 08, 2010 10:52 AM |
In the Philippines, it is not uncommon for have one's parents to leave for abroad in search for greener pastures as our economic situation compels them to go so they can give their children the financial support they need. Like many Filipino youth, I am privileged to have a dad who works abroad to provide for us. My dad has been seafaring for over 25 years. He met my mother at a party in Hong Kong and started an astonishing love story that translated to 25 years of marriage, six children and several properties. My dad has always been a good provider, and we are privileged and fortunate as all our needs are met and we practically never experienced lack. But I didn't always consider myself that way. When I was growing up, I didn't have that kind of perspective. Though I took it upon myself, being the eldest, to shoulder the burden of becoming a role model to my siblings, I saw myself as the opposite of my dad and convinced myself that I was not his ideal son. This notion, as I realize now, probably stemmed from the fact that I never knew much of him. If I were to count the months we spent together I am sure it would not total to five years. What I saw more was our differences — he's athletic, well-traveled and mathematically inclined, while I am not half as strong as he is. It was hard to see my dad at home as a father more than a ship captain who treats everyone as one of his crew whom he can command and yell at. Needless to say, I was distantly apprehensive and ironically angry at him. Apprehensive, because I had witnessed more of him strict and quick to anger, the way he probably was on board his ship while giving commands to his subordinates, and angry because I knew in my heart I longed for a fatherly approval. Our imagination is replete with idealistic portrayals of what a father-and-son relationship should be, yet the reality is we are living in a fatherless age. It couldn't be truer in today's generation, especially with the fact that a huge number of fathers are abroad, away or just clueless on their role as the man. TV shows and literature oftentimes satirically portray a dysfunctional family with a nonchalant father. Nowadays, an absent father seems to be normal and many problems besieging the youth stem from having an unhealthy relationship and communication with their fathers. Or to quote Tyler Durden, a character from Chuck Palahniuk’s Fight Club: “We are a generation raised by women, and I wonder if it is another woman we need.” I firmly believe that masculinity can only be bestowed by masculinity, and many men make the mistake of searching for affirmation from other places, such as careers, hobbies and women, affirmation that only fathers, the supposed concrete model of manhood and masculine strength, can give. I was graduating from sixth grade and receiving a major award in oration when my dad was probably busy heading for Scandinavia. I was graduating from high school and I was receiving a major award being the regional coordinator of Junior Graft watch Unit when my dad was probably sailing off to the Pacific seas transporting Japanese vehicles to the US. I was in college as an awkward, confused, angry and insecure teenager, an easy prey for pseudo-masculine boys whose idea of manhood is getting wasted and treating ladies as objects, and the hopes to see him march with me on graduation day waned. More and more I wonder how my journey to adulthood had gone differently had my dad been there to guide me the way a father should. But we all have to make sacrifices. I can only imagine how hard it is for my Dad to make such sacrifice every time he boards his ship. For this reason, I strived to be a leader to my siblings; a role model of masculinity I desperately wished for, growing up. This realization did not come easily to me as it took a long time and an enormous amount of prayers for me to finally start seeing my dad in a new light. The starting point, for me, in understanding my father, was to know who God is. We sometimes unfairly equate God with our fathers, and when our fathers fail, we assume that their failures say a lot about God. The more I know who God is as the Bible says, the more I understand my dad. The more I understand the love God has for me, the more I am becoming able to love my dad. As I was cleaning my room, I found the expensive Tissot watch my dad bought me during one of his trips in the UK. Stashed and unmaintained, it brought to mind the scars he obtained while working long hours in the ship. He didn't want to talk much about work, but more likely he didn't want to talk about how painful it was across the seas and away from us. I cried with the revelation of how much my dad loves me no matter what I think about him, and how little I valued his efforts, and how selfish I was for letting my angst strain our relationship. We can't deny the truth that our fathers aren't perfect, yet they deserve appreciation and respect for the simple fact that they are our fathers. The sacrifices and the work they toil for us are already evidences of the lengths they would go for us, not to mention the distance, sadness and homesickness that they have to endure while alone overseas, the sweat, blood and tears they have shed to give us the proverbial bright future. My hat's off to my dad. Let it be known, that I appreciate him. Though I may not say it much, I love him as the hero he is to me. |
