So appreciate the good times: A reflection

Memories. As the smoke clears, the fireworks dwindle and the noise ceases, we're all left with memories of the year that has gone by. And the year 2010 holds so much memories.

To my (then) puerile perspective, the year 2010 did not start out all right. Expectations weren't met, and things did not happen that way I planned. As my human nature prevailed, I devolved into an insecure, whining and comparing person. But God is good. And I say that as I had experienced his goodness through and through. God is good in that he is redemptive, faithful, and mighty to save in all my situations.

I have told many people that 2010 to me had been a year of transitions. God had shown me that if I were to be the man that He wants me to be, then I would have to let Him put me through situations where I would see His power work in and through me. 2010 was the year where I had to change a lot of mindsets, preconceptions, priorities, attitudes, and values. As such, I learned lessons about the following:

Priorities. I received my goiter tests in November and they weren't good. Needless to say, I was dismayed and I had to make amends with my diet and sleeping pattern. Then again, I thought it funny how health problems rearrange your priorities. When you're a single-professional in a city of a million busy people, your life is somehow disarrayed into a clutter of schedules, meetings, deadlines, and whatnot. Priorities show what we truly value. And God revealed how skewed my priorities were. I learned to look into my heart and assess what is truly valuable and make that my priority. It's not really a balanced life that we need but a balanced heart. Gandhi once said, "actions express priorities."

Courage. You see me working hard to make a living or to hone my craft (and there's nothing wrong with those, by the way), and you think "wow, this person must be really passionate." But the truth is, much of what I did was out of fear. Fear that I might loose my self worth, that I might miss an opportunity or that I might not have enough to be accepted. It's that fear that will either cripple you or make you overdo things. And it is unhealthy because it robs you of your faith and trust in God. I never really lived out Proverbs 3:5 until I realized this things, until I went jobless in January, until I had to stay for a while in Pangasinan to sort my life out in March. And it revealed a great deal about the (ugly) truth in my heart. But Psalms 46:10 exhorts us to be still and let God be God. Yes it is scary, the kind of world we live in is not for the fainthearted, but it is so, that all the more we will learn to draw courage from Him. Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can ever do is be still and know that God is in control, in our jobs, relationships, our families, everything.

Work. As an employee, I used to kid that "misery loves company, and our company loves misery."I never realized how much bricks of false mindset did I allow to build around my mind. As a result, I did not really experience the growth that I wanted. Yes, i tried to be faithful in what I do, but I still ended up comparing what I have with other people_-my educational background, experiences, salary. But what I have did not really matter as much as how I maximize it. Sometimes, we're so smug and self-satisfied that we will just settle for something mediocre and expect a brilliant result. I know I did. And I learned that what I do isn't really the issue but the spirit with which I do it. Colossians 3:23 says whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.

People. There was something about mingling with groups that brought the worst in me. While the manifestation may not be obvious, I did struggle with insecurity and inferiority. It was God's grace that enabled me to learn that inferiority does not really exist as much as superiority does (thanks Efren for pointing it out). It's pride masking in superiority. I did not want to blend in with people I deem high-end, rather I would just be with the people of my level. In many many ways, it's superiority. People are still people and it is not fair that we compare our selves with them. God values people, and the grace that flows in and sustains them is the same thing that flows in and sustains me.

Blessings. In 2010, I received a new computer, published articles in papers and magazines, met new artists (and was given free CD), travelled to places, read a lot of books, got accepted to gradschool. I did enjoy being blessed, and I learned to enjoy more my relationship with the source of all these blessings. My Dad came home in October this year, and I was excited to be with him more than the gifts he brought us. In the same way, I enjoyed being more intimate with God than receiving his blessings.

Character. 2010 was the year that I learned to be a little confrontational, patient, hopeful and valiant. It seemed that most significant situations I went through taught me to be such. It was not me to be all that, and I remember praying in January that God will prune me and mold me into the man that he wants me to be. I learned that it was not easy, but it was great to see God's grace and glory work through my situations. It was humbling and awe-inspiring and the character pruning was worth it. God was more interested in my character than what He wants me to do, and I valued every moment of it-through the pain, fear and doubts. I was (and still am being) pruned and seasoned.

Choice. While I am aware of the existence of God's will, we all have been given the ability to choose. God is sovereign and we can trust in his sovereignty more than we can trust in our ability to mess things up. Choice, it was such a precious gift that we often misuse, and God has entrusted us with such. We can choose to wallow in self pity and what is wrong with us, or we can choose to look up to a great God who is for us and not against us. I learned to choose to realign my heart and my will unto His, after all it is about Him.

It was a tough year, nonetheless I'm ending it with gratitude in my heart. I'm thankful for the people that God used to make every stressful moment bearable, and every good times worth looking back on. I'm thankful for all that character rehabilitation (love that term, thanks verna), and all that trials that exposed the truths about my heart, truths that were dealt with and given up to God. I'm thankful for God's faithfulness in my life and the lives of the people I love. I'm thankful for the great times, but I'm not taking the worst for granted. May we all be in faith that 2011 will be a year of harvest.

Isaiah 30:23

He will also send you rain for the seed you sow in the ground, and the food that comes from the land will be rich and plentiful. In that day your cattle will graze in broad meadows.

Elevator

Press for up and press for down

Move around this tower

Do you wonder what's outside,

Face the truth beyond this ride

The camera sees what it sees

Illusions cast false power

Will you move by my side

Eerily smile and try your best to hide

Dance with me, care not about everything

Elevator

Before it halts and you have to go or others come in

Elevator

Press for up and we'll not go down

Listen to machineries sound

Count the seconds, minutes, hours

It must come to an end, a sudden end

Swimming until we can't see land

I have learned through the years that anticipation is not half as exciting as the journey. While it is true that people exhibit different levels of excitement over something, still we all look forward to something—from Pacquiao fights and midnight snacks to new events and directions. We all look forward to something

Yesterday, I started to tread yet another path called grad school. A year-long preparation of prayers, motivation checking, papers and financial management preceded; and although there have been humps and unexpected bumps along the way, finally I am moving on. The desire to pursue graduate studies stemmed from the desire to advance myself academically and, to certain extents, professionally. I must confess that I did not enjoy for a bit my college life on account of myself being the youngest in the class, a prey to the pretentious and brain-washing ideologies of people with unresolved parental issues. So going back to school affords me another opportunity to amend my perception, to embrace character building, learning and challenges. I'm starting over.

My Poetry class got dissolved in the passing of Professor Dimalanta so I was forced to drop it and add Critical Thinking instead. A plethora of philosophical questions greeted me and my classmates.

So many questions. But the more answers I get, the less I know.

People my age often are plagued with situations requiring one to wait. Yoda said "Hard it is to wait. But wait you must see your way revealed."Indeed, slowing the fast is necessary.

Babling at 11:47

I need to learn different methods of cooking other than frying because at some point in my life I know I will be avoiding oil of any kind. Almost two years ago, I made a vow not to eat pork on account of it being unhealthy compared with other meats.

My diet right now, considering my limited budget, consists of canned goods, occasional fruits and oatmeal, and a lot of carbs. Very unhealthy and imbalanced, I know. But I will do amends with my diet soon.

I don't really know why I'm opening up to public concerning my diet. I guess my point is, I want to get better and live and excellent life, maximizing everything that has been entrusted to me. There's so much to explore, and at this point in my life, I have learned to make the most of everything, learn as much and have fun.

Interlude: Seasons and Reasons

I wanted to debunk the existence of writer's block.

I really do, hence another blog post. And blog about what is an interesting question. Actually, I haven't put much thought into it. But laying bare the current condition of my heart, I am so excited to enter yet another season of my life.

Recently, I got a word from UST grad school that I got accepted to the creative writing MA program. There may also be a major career and address change. I remember praying for these things way way back. My emotional disposition would swing from side to side of the pendulum, where I'd feel hopeful for a bit and hopeless when things do not go as planned. PJ Erpelo couldn't be more right in saying that God will ultimately give us the desires of our hearts His way though, not out own.

Past events made me feel like I was in a season of summer, when faith stretching normally happens (for more info on spiritual seasons check this site). It does feel like spring now, when everything's new and fresh and my prayers are being answered.

But blessings aren't as important as the lessons I was taught while in the season of waiting. We become fickle when we think that tangible blessings are all there is to our walk with God. I learned to hold on to and trust in Him more. I learned that Proverbs 3:5 (my life verse by the way), when applied, embodied and taken seriously entails being still before God, complete surrender, not rationalizing and questioning His will. I learned all the more that He has the final say in our plans.

I look forward to the season of fall, when harvest occurs, and winter, when resting and letting go is required. Every season is a season of prosperity and power and opportunity to grow in love with God.

-0-

A thought about marriage has crossed my mind lately, not that I would like to get to soon. It's just that, many people I know-close friends and the likes-seem to be ready enough to be in a relationship. And I can't seem to get around to it, at least in this season. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says there's a time and season for everything. I can't hide my strong desire for marriage someday but I am happy to be single when I can deal with issues that I need to deal with that I may be the man that I should be for that one woman God has destined me to be with. I am blessed to have parents who model my ideal kind of marriage and family. I am blessed to have a God who wants the best for me.

Here's the thought: Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson did give us a poignant tearjerker flick about what to do before you die. I kind of tweaked the list and made it, "things to do before I settle down." Here's some:

1. Publish a book and win the Children's story category of the Palanca Awards and be one of this country's distinguished contemporary writers/documentarist in the level of Lourd de Veyra, Maria Soliven-Blanco and Howie Severino.
2. Write/work for/in Disney.
3. Tour all or most of Southeast Asia.
4. Climb Mt. Kinabalu in Malaysia.
5. Finish my MA.
6. Climb Mt. Pulag for the second and third time.
7. Relearn Cebuano.
8. Learn to cook European (northern, that is) cuisine.
9. Meet Nick Hornby, Sir Paul Mcartney, Joshua Harris, Elisabeth Elliot, Grant Morrison, Ben Gibbard, Ra Ra Riot and Rush and tell them how huge they are an influence to me.
10. Go solo in Sweden.

October Tradition (part 1)

Turning 24 recently made me realize that there are so few things that get me really excited. When one embraces adulthood, one finds himself reluctantly thrust into the proverbial rat race. No wonder why so many young professional get tired easily. My loving dad sort of warned me about being jaded as one ages. When I was younger he advised me to go on a trip at least once a year.

Following his advice, I resigned from my first corporate job in 2008, joined a group of mountaineers and climbed Mt. Pulag and traipsed the pebbled beaches of Pagudpod. In 2009, I enjoyed the beaches of Batangas and the breathtaking landscapes of Tagaytay with my dearest friends.

Ever the pattern seeker, I noticed that all these escapades happened in the month of October.

This year, I went on yet another October trip in Cebu and Bohol. From here on, I vow to travel in October of every year, and so I dub this trip 'October Tradition,' now on its third year.

First Stop

Manila holds so much of my stressors-traffic, schedules, work. Twenty-four hours before leaving, I went to UST to submit my gradschool application, went through a job interview and packed. My typical day comprises a hectic day at work and other engagements. So imagine my joy at the fact that in a few hours I would be on a plane to another place.

I did not sleep, literally, as I had to pack and cram every traveling needs into my back pack. After a hearty very late dinner, I rushed to the airport only to find out that my flight via PAL got delayed for an hour. It was okay though as I found myself chatting up foreigners and being entertained by a game of women basketball players.

I sat by the window in the hopes of getting a good view. The plane's wing was in the way, much to my disappointment. So I decided to nap. I woke up with a pack of energy bar and greaseless peanuts on the empty seat before me.

The atmosphere outside Mactan Airport was a little deceiving. By which, I mean it almost has no traces of urbanity in it. Then I took few steps, asked a couple of guards the way to Colon, referred to a cab with a fixed rate of 395php, then it finally hit me that I landed in a city similar to Manila only cleaner. I successfully avoided taking a cab and ended riding a jeep to pier four. I haven't been in Cebu in a long time, estimate 20 years, and I forgot Cebuano the moment I started learning Pangasinense so I somehow felt alienated when being answered in Cebuano by the locals. It's unnerving and exciting at the same time.

But that's the point of adventure.

On Board Supercat

Thankfully, a lady who speaks tagalog quite fairly helped me get to Pier 4 in which the Supercat going to Bohol was docked. I was welcomed by Eka and Arun, with whom I toured the island.

I couldn't help but notice a slew of Asians inside.

Supercat did get us to Bohol on time. The fare was reasonable at 800php round trip (i advise you to take advantage of the promo). While inside, a huge flat screen TV provided entertainment partly eliminating the almost 2-hour boredom. We were also treated to a scenic view of the Island of Cebu and Bohol.

Arrest My Heart, Bohol

Down in the docks of Supercat, our tourguide greeted us with a warm Boholano welcome. Kuya (I forgot his name) was born and raised in Bohol and he pretty much know the history of the province.

As he toured us around historical landmarks in a Toyota Vios, we couldn't help but be amazed at rich the history of the province is .

Launching one dreamy indeterminate hum

If you're new to the indie popscene here in Manila, Your Imaginary Friends may not ring a bell. But you get to be a fan once you hear their sound, which is a cross between The Smiths and The Pixies amplified by the Gibbard-esque lyrical genius of Vocalist Ahmad Tanji.

Hailing from Bicol and taking 4 years to make, Your Imaginary Friends is composed of Ahmad Tanji on guitars and vocals, Khalid Tanji on guitars, Em Aquino on bass, and Eric Po on drums. Their ep, which is whimsically titled "One Dreamy Indeterminate Hum," is set to be launched on September 17, 2010 at The Ayala Museum at 7pm, with the single "Oh Liza." To know more about the event, click here.

To listen to the single, click here.

Know more about the band, click here.